The True Tale of Naruto Uzumaki
by Belletrist Word Salad
Summary: The Naruto Uzumaki of Konoha has become a walking shadow, a poor player who frets and struts on the manga page, his growth stunted in a tale that has become all sound and fury, signifying nothing. But what of the Naruto Uzumaki of Mount Oinari, whose potential is greatly unmined? Post pilot chapter, canon elements, all pairing types possible.


The True Tale of Naruto Uzumaki

Mining

Song: "Llorona" — DeVotchKa (Little Miss Sunshine)

-:-

_Playing God much, Lord Sandaime?_

Such was the wry thought going through the mind of one Kakashi Hatake, a lean scarecrow of a man with a silvery shock of hair and a mask that left the lower half of his face to the imaginations of most, as he sauntered through the streets of Mount Oinari, his (signed!) copy of Icha Icha's latest continuation in hand. It was one of his many uncanny traits that fascinated villagers from all walks of life; he could stick his nose in a _hentai_ saga while meandering in his easy manner, unheeding of anyone or anything, and not bump into some random object or fall into certain foxholes. Whenever anyone inquired of it, he would say, a smile in his visible eye, "Years of practice."

But on this particular day, that easy manner and that practiced gait of Kakashi's was more like his namesake, rigid. It was that time of year again, rife with mineral metaphors in a place like the Land of Jade. The Academy had graduated yet another batch of would-be ninja, and it was up to hardened old veterans like himself and other Mount Oinari jōnin to pan out the diamonds from the rough. Usually, the teams he was assigned were nothing to think about, and thus he would shrug them off, giving them no more thought 'til their inevitable failure. However, the students he was assigned this year _did_ give him something to think about.

Sakura Haruno. Her appearance alone made her stand out—pink hair, green eyes—as did the fact that she had the best chakra control and textbook knowledge of her class. She was also one of the numerous Nuchūriki residing in Mount Oinari, hosting Saiken the Six-Tailed Slug. With the right training, this girl could be a battle-axe in the best sense of the word.

Sasuke Uchiha. This one had a special place in the Copy Nin's heart. An offspring of the great corvine clan, Sasuke already showed great promise. While not as book smart as Sakura, Sasuke was well above the average genin in technical know-how, in addition to which he would be a true wild card thanks to his Sharingan. And like Sakura, he too was a Nuchūriki, hosting Akanō the One-Headed Raijū. If he was anything like his brother Itachi, he would be a true monster in battle. And also like Itachi, Sasuke was like a nephew to Kakashi if not a son. Even a jaded shinobi like himself couldn't forget that.

Naruto Uzumaki. Therein lay the rub. The former ward of the Third Tamakage, the boy was, quite frankly, a little shit. Over the years, the young tod had shown no interest in bonding with anyone even of his own generation—something that Sasuke himself had discovered firsthand—or even a care as to his reputation, as shown by his myriad shenanigans; pratfalls, grotesque transformations, graffiti, everything out of the prankster's playbook. He was truly a fox playing a fox, and such play had but worsened the infamy already surrounding him and his lineage.

His father, the Fourth Tamakage, had brought Mount Oinari to near annihilation, taking the lives of many a villager. Add the fact that Naruto was the spitting image of his sire—blue-eyed and blonde—and you had an atmosphere as charged as a Raikiri just before it struck. More than that, Minato Namikaze had been Kakashi's own sensei, slowly and subtly becoming a father figure to replace he who had killed himself. It had devastated the scarred Jōnin when Minato showed his true colors, perhaps even more than waking up to find Sakumo lying in his own suicidal blood; he'd even had to take some time off to come to terms with everything concerning his sensei.

The Sandaime had said that him being the Yondaime's student was all the more reason to make him Naruto's sensei—who better to ensure the boy didn't become his father than someone who knew the man personally? "And besides, I'm sure you'll be able to connect with him, for you had an attitude much like his when you were his age." The Copy Nin had to admit, the Third had him there. True, he hadn't spray-painted _Fuck you, bitches!_ or reenacted Godzilla, but he had had that same stubborn refusal to build any more bonds.

In his case, however, it had taken certain tragic events of the Third Shinobi World War to make him see that trust and teamwork were essential in missions, especially in situations where lives were at stake. So, could Naruto, a boy who had yet to see carnage and who had always been out for himself, really have seen the light under less morbid circumstances?

And really, who was to say that this wasn't some divine comedy to the God of Shinobi, placing the Yondaime's son with the Yondaime's student? Truly, a God playing God while raising a fox playing a fox.

So much play, so many questions, so much to think about.

One thing for sure: he _definitely_ would not be able to focus on those Icha-Icha horndogs or get it up for a certain green thumb tonight.

-:-

**Author's Afterthoughts: **After a long hiatus, I am finally knuckling down and writing out my first serious (multi-chapter) pilot!Naruto fic. Because as I maintain to this day, the canon has long gone to the hellhounds, and considering all the high school and AU fics, I'm surprised and disappointed that there has only been like one or two attempts to flesh out the first incarnation of our blonde maelstrom. And you know what Gandhi said about being the change you wish to see…

Glossary

**Nuchūriki:** As we all know, "Jinchūriki" means "the power of human sacrifice". In my 'verse, however, not all Beast vessels will have been human. So, in my search for a more inclusive term for such an entity, I came across the kanji 奴, which can indicate an archaism meaning "slave" OR "retainer", "servant" OR "captive" OR a humble suffix of self-reference OR a colloquialism meaning "thing", "object" OR a derogatory/familiar third-person pronoun. And in the context of the power of sacrifice, I think this can take on one or more of these connotations: the power of the sacrifice of someone in any form of servitude; the power of the sacrifice of one's own self; the power of the sacrifice of anything or anyone considered expendible or convenient.

**Tōjū:** the Headed Beasts. Because in light of phrases such as "heads and tails", it just had to be done...and there's nothing like taking up missed opportunities :)

**Rinjū:** literally "Chakra Beast". My collective term for the Headed and Tailed Beasts.

**Akanō:** Japanese transliteration of _aghana_(_m_), Sanskrit for "Not Dense/Solid"; in Japanese, it also means "A Flash in the East", "The Lightning God", hence the name of the One-Headed Raijū.

Naruto (both versions), Bijū © Masashi Kishimoto  
Land of Jade, the title of Tamakage, Akanō, the Tōjū, Rinjū and Nuchūriki (terms) © me


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